So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
