WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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