id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
