I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
