I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Farmville is her only friend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
