Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
