its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
