Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
