I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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