So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
