dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
