U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there is puke in my bra ... again
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