Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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