He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
