Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
