Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
