During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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