Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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