She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
