Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
