even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
