I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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