you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
