i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a search helicopter?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
