the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
