How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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