i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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