I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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