I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
