She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize