just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
