I didn't shave. On purpose
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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