Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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