I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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