Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
