ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
