There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
