Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
