Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
