did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
