Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
