please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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