When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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