He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize