Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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