She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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