Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
