when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
