My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
