Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize