So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
