He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize