I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
