Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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