Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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