Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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