too bad you live with your parents still
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
