I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
