bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
