yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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