Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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