nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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