STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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