Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
