I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
