its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
